a review of a mistake in life lately

I got a little behind on Blogtember, if the definition of little is the same as a lot.

This week, I was supposed to do a life lately, a review, and tell the story of a mistake I made.

There are few things better that you can do for a person than editing your words down by 50% (says the novelist emailer), so that's I'll do what I can to be charitable.

(Edited to add upon finishing this two days after starting - this isn't short. At all.)

Let's do this thang.

A patter-in.

We've been educating the youngins. Some lessons are more formal than others. We get fancy up in our house when we change into real clothes before we start school for the day.

A lesson in letting mommy sleep while you occupy yourself.

Behold the face of home education.

We've gone on enrichment field trips.

Uncle 1st Lt. explaining the habits of monkeys to eager young minds.

Some are more enriching than others.

At the HEB imitating the monkeys. Or something like that.

We saw off Uncle and Aunt 1st Lt. as they moseyed along across the South to another base. This is the first big move for our family so we had a bit of a problem letting them go.

We're not above tears or hysteria.

Autumn has come and the Sisters B and their mama wore the appropriate colors to Holy Mass to celebrate. Faces are true to emotions felt over the arrival of our long-lost lower temps.

Applaud my photography skills.

And with fall comes a couple of special days where imagination reigns, children delight, and The Guild of Uncrafty Mothers have immeasurable ways to earn their way into Heaven.

Breaking the Guild rules and preparing costumes more than two days in advance. A sneak peek at a couple of saints.
Any guesses?

In the midst of all this busyness, I've made a pretty glaring error. A big one. One brought to my attention as I was fulfilling my vocation by researching and planning and re-researching and shifting around education plans.

M was swinging on the end of the bed, chattering away while I half-heartedly answered every once in a while. I had no idea what she was saying. I was busy! I'm doing important work! I'm creating an imaginative, holy, classical environment so I can produce the future saints of the Church, child! 

"When I grow up, I'm going to have time to play with my kids."

Screeeeeeech.

Now, lately, M has been enamored with her mama. Anything I do, she wants to do. Anything I wear, she loves and copies. Phrases I use, food I eat, books I read - anything and everything, she wants to be her mama. I love it and it inspires me to be a better, more intentional person.

So when the phrase, "when I grow up..." isn't ended with, "I want to be a mommy as devoted to her offspring as you," it made me want to cry.

"Do you think Mommy doesn't have time to play with you?" I inquired of the brutally honest five-year old.

"Well, sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. And that's okay," my soft-hearted, terrified-of-confrontation-like-her-mama-is girl answered, just as I would have in the same situation.

I messed up big time. 

In all my attempts to be a loving mother and pintrest-worthy educator, I'd forgotten the importance and joy of just playing with my little ones. I'll cut myself enough slack to acknowledge we're in a very transitional period, I'm solo-parenting most of the week, I'm new to this home education gig, and I'm tired. 

But that's no excuse. I look so forward to the moment when their little eyes fall shut at night that I plow through, getting all I have to get done, done - and not enjoying and growing in the moment. God's given me the opportunity to grow in love and holiness with what He's put in front of me and I just duck my head and plow through without earning graces or building upon the love my girls have for me.

Life skills lesson #4 - how to gracefully ignore bodily fluids being flung all over your hands. I'm training up a future mother here.

What's even worse is that lately, I've gotten a little misty-eyed at how big my little girls are getting. I love every part of the ages we're in - the cuddle time each afternoon as we read for hours during the hottest part of the day; the wanting to be just like mama; the hugs and little whispers of, "I'm so glad we're best friends, Mommy."; the innocence of playing animals and little people and calico critters. Every single thing about this age is a newfound joy and there is no one else in the world they'd rather discover it with than their sister, the mama, and their daddy. 

As I've gone through pictures of the past five years with our girls, it's made me realize how fleeting this is and how quickly we're approaching the ages where things aren't quite as simple and care-free. If God doesn't bless us with another wee one, these days are quickly fading forever. At the very least, they are with these two beautiful girls. And I'm done making the mistake of the duck and run to bedtime.

The Never-Ending Story Of Ponies and Princesses.

I can't claim to having changed overnight, but I've certainly gotten better at just being silly with my little ones.

And this is where the review part comes in:

This home education thing. 

It's hard. Really, really hard. Especially if you're not in your own space, shipped your books to the wrong address, your materials are across the state, you don't have an income, and you have no idea what you're doing. Hypothetically, of course.

I will sing the praises of home education all day long to you. I will ride high upon my gigantic horse and with him, step upon a box of soap. I feel strongly that not only is every family capable of doing it, every family can be called to it. 

I once listened to a talk where the priest discussed the real importance and reason of homeschooling. Especially at our girls' young ages, educating at home is far less about academics, and far more about instilling a love of learning and a rock-solid foundation of virtue. 

These years are fleeting (see: above) and my review on the last month of homeschooling is that I need to realize that. I need to be okay with tossing aside my meticulously planned academic week and packing a picnic lunch and playing in nature for a day. We always, always get everything done and I think our girls have and can hold their own against the education philosophies of other schooling options.

What I'm teaching them is to overcome selfishness and impatience. There are few people on this earth with less patience than me. I am constantly battling it and often lose - more often that not (holla at my confessor). When that happens every 7.9 minutes, I tell them that I, too, make bad choices and I'm sorry for how I acted, do they forgive me, and we start again. I'm praying that, through our home education, they learn, above all, to die to one's self - to serve others, most especially when you don't want to.

St. Therese's Homeschool of Hard Knocks or The Little Way. I've heard it both ways.

And because of that, we trudge on, learning and growing and failing and growing some more. I'd say that earns an A+.