What do I say to the precious soul who made me a mommy? How do I convey to you the joy that you bring me every single day? You're now five years old. No longer a baby, beyond preschool, and growing into a young girl. How can I express to you how proud I am and how sad I am that this is happening so quickly?
I try to remember that with you, my love. You are just naturally good. You don't struggle with many of the things that other children your age struggle with. I've introduced you to our dear friend St. Therese of the Little Flower because of this and have asked for her special protection over you. Like you, she had a naturally proclivity toward Good. You bask in the joy of serving your mama through chores or drawings or bringing me something I might want or need. You can't wait to share with your daddy the good things that you've accomplished throughout the day. And when your little sister is sad, you run to bring her a favorite toy or food to make her feel better. When babies fuss in your presence, you silly dance for them or play peek-a-boo until they're belly-laughing. And on the very
Where do you get that from, other than directly from the hand of God, sweet girl? How were we blessed with our oldest - the child who will set the example for all our others - to be so, so good? I've heard it said that children can see their angels until the mar of sin comes into their soul. I don't know how theologically sound that is, but your life has made me a believer of that. I feel that your angel guides you and teaches you better than I ever have.
You are drawn to Our Lord, most especially His Passion. You have a strong, strong devotion to The Stations of the Cross and ask pretty often if we can go to St. Joseph's to look at The Stations. You understand, already, the beauty of the Consecration at Mass - telling me almost every time that you can see the angels kneeling in the church after the bells ring. You love Our Blessed Mother and find great consolation in wearing a veil to be just like her, even if it sometimes itches or messes up your hair. I believe it was her intercession that gave you an innate sense of modesty (from which you derive the permission to point out to any and all who aren't dressed according to such standards, even if the unfortunate lady is a passer-by at the store....). You really are drawn toward pretty clothes, which I love, because I am, too. I can't help but get excited about future shopping excursions with you because those are even fun now, when you're such a young girl.
You've never paused at praising your sister for her achievements. You were always the first to clap when she jumped higher, ran faster, or swung higher than you. You praise her when she colors a picture in a way that you think is pretty. You make sure to tell her how pretty she looks in a dress. Your friendship with her is inspiring and I pray that you foster this, because your sister admires you in everything you do, my girl, and models her life around you. It's a big job that you've been tasked. I would trust no other.
You have such a loving heart, but your shyness holds you back just a little bit. You've come leaps and bounds from where you were even a year ago, though! I can tell when you get nervous but you're trying to be brave. You do one of two things - you say, "you're funny!" or you quickly rub your Snood's feet across your face. Yep, you still have your Snood and you love him more than all your toys combined, I think. You're slow to venture into a friendship with other girls your age, but once you warm up, you can't stop laughing and chattering with them about who knows what. It warms my heart. We've raised you to be able to socialize with people of all ages, and though you're still learning how to do this (so am I), I'm proud of you for being able to talk to babies all the way through adults.
One of my favorite memories of you happened just last week. At a gathering, you played with a little girl, over twice your age, who struggles with autism. The other girls your age holed up with a cartoon, which you did want to watch, but we encouraged you to play outside instead. This little girl wanted to play with you and your sister and instead of ignoring her or running away like the other children do around her, you played a game of tag with her. I don't know when I've been prouder of you or you sister. It brought tears to my eyes and I thanked Our Lord for His grace to help us do something right.
You aren't without your struggles, though. I think your pride will keep you from going places, my love, just like your mama. You are a perfectionist and unless you are sure you can do something, you prefer not to try it. You'll say that you were teasing or tricking us when you misspeak or mistell a story. I know that struggle well, little love, and I pray daily that God gives you the grace to overcome and me the grace to help guide you past it. It's a constant struggle for me and I don't want that for you. You'll find yourself wishing you had tried more or spoken just a little louder too often. I pray that one day I can teach you that humility comes through recognizing our talents as God-given, not in suppressing them out of fear of failure or recognition. I pray (honestly, I pray) that you will use your brilliance and natural goodness for His greater glory by not leaving undone the good you can do, for in that we can lose ourselves just as easily as we can in doing evil.
You are brilliant, my girl. You flew through your pre-k work and you're halfway through kindergarden. And that's without our doing schoolwork regularly. In fact, you beg me to give you schoolwork! You're great at learning through worksheets but you're beginning to find joy in tactile approaches, as well. We briefly studied Impressionism a couple of months ago, just to give you a taste of art history, and you asked if you could have an Impressionist birthday party because you loved the style so much.
You will show people, Molly, what it means to have one's soul drawn and lifted toward beauty. Your daddy and I espouse the belief that art in all forms, should lift one's soul toward the Heavens - toward Truth and Beauty. You show us that in your innocent way. You love classical pieces, Gregorian chant, beautiful, modest clothes, stunning art. You don't mean to yet, but one day, I think God will use this in you to help others learn the beauty of what art should bring.
Your mind is never satisfied. You love going to the museum and even prefer the Tech museum over the children's museum because you're able to look at fossils and old dresses and beautiful paintings. You crave more knowledge and get so excited when you figure out how something works. You are constantly talking (which soooommmmmeeeetimes might drive me crazy) or singing which I think is your way of myelinating your neurons and figuring out our beautifully created world.
You have a very forgiving heart. Yesterday, during mama's most recent melt-down, I yelled at you girls for no good reason. I got on the floor and apologized to you girls while hugging you. In response to my saying that I know I mess up a lot, but I am sorry, you said that you forgave me and you will always forgive me because you love me. How do you already know that, love? Surely, somewhere along the way, your daddy and I have taught you that. But when and how? You know more in your young age than so many people in this world don't understand - that love is a choice and an action, not a feeling. You choose to love someone everyday with sacrifices and forgiveness and trudging through the bad and finding the good. May you always know that perseverance and wisdom.
Your daddy loves you. Your sister loves you. I love you more than you can ever know. And I pray that my love you gives you a glimpse of how infinitely Our Blessed Mother and God love you. Endlessly and forever. I'm in awe that they've entrusted your little soul to my care and guidance. Or perhaps they've entrusted mine to you. Either way, I'm thankful for His trust.
Is this enough to tell you that you're one of my best friends? That I truly and utterly love being around you? That you make being a mama easy? You inspire me toward holiness, my girl. I can see why the family unit is a domestic church. I try to lead you toward Heaven and you can't help but lead me there.
With all my love,
Mama
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